Better Than Andy Griffith Reruns

RAID is happy to bring you our favorite rerun episode of  Southwest Ranches Fed Up With Pines.  In this episode, the hapless cast portrays a bunch of country bumpkins who don't like their neighbors in Pembroke Pines going to church on Sunday by road.  It originally aired in June of 2006.

To get back at these marauding Pines church goers, the Po' Country Folk of Southwest Ranches moved their $450,000 Winnebagos, $1000 barbecue setups, $40,000 tractors, $30,000 SUVs and of course, horses, in front of their $500,000 homes into the middle of public roads to have a block party. This happened, coincidentally, just as people were using that road on their way church! They also put up physical barriers to block through traffic elsewhere too!



Otis Campbell, the affable town drunk, posited that if the church goers had come on horses and their best rodeo gear, the residents would have no problem with their neighbors.  In his best transplanted Brooklyn-cum-SW Ranches accent, "Leave the Ford at the door, the hitchin post is yonder", says Otis.

You can view the entire episode which aired in June of 2006 here:

Our beloved cast includes:

The famous John Canada as Town Administrator who was finally ousted for his corruption and nepotism where he employed his daughter as Town Clerk and his wife as Finance Director. Because pigs and other livestock are common in the Ranches, John felt town coffers were his private piggy bank!

The younger, soon-to-be Mayor Jeff Nelson. as second in command to his better half puts his shoulder into the effort in stopping church goers.  7 years after the cancellation of this series, the Mayor became a leading spokesman for the creation of Prison Town and for private prison company, Corrections Corporation of America, LLC.  We also hear that as mayor he's pushed for heavy permit fees on filming in the Town because Spanish language novellas are starting to overshadow Southwest Ranches Fed Up With Pines reruns as local favorites!  Also, he opines that nobody should have to live next to that sort of thing at 3:00 AM in the morning.  Apparently prisons are fine, though.

We have the debonair soon-to-be Vice Mayor Doug McKay sporting his best Smokey and the Bandit, Burt Reynolds mustache and with no salt and pepper hair!.  In this episode, Mr. McKay is seen with his latest night vision hardware setting up a perimeter and doing reconnaissance on those dastardly Pines residents who dare to move the barriers SW Ranches erected!  The soon-to-be Vice Mayor was heard muttering something about being as crooked as a cow's hind leg.  We aren't sure what he meant by that.

Also, with cameo appearences we have the following:

The friendly Vice Mayor of Pembroke Pines, Iris Siple.  You can tell, that they incorrectly cast Mrs. Siple in a whacked out western comedy rather than a serious show.  She can't even get into the character she's supposed to be playing in this episode, and instead, insists on acting like a normal person would.  We have a word of advice to the Vice Mayor -- keep your day job as Commissioner.  You simply can't act as crazy as these loonies.

Marygay Chaples who's nearly 40 years of legacy and vision of how idyllic Mayberry Florida could be is now a proud champion of road closures and private prisons in addition to $30MM worth of open space parks that she feels SW Ranches really needs!  Marygay, as a staunch defender of public protest, is coaching us all "if we didn't fight for what we want, we wouldn't be Americans."  Maybe that's why she has a problem with our "zoo" protesting her prison.  The residents fighting this prison aren't necessarily all Americans.  Marygay is currently planning to continue her tour of various CCA facilities on their dime.

Then, we have the confrontational Dee Schroeder who valiantly steps in front of a tank in Tienanmen Square ... we mean a church goer in a Ford...  to stop this assault on the American (and Rural) way of life! She is a long term resident who spends her time complaining that she can't get a cleaning contract with the town and is perpetually hunting for money for the town in the strangest places such as the pockets of Prison, Inc. She's become a leading advocate for a private prison in the Town all because she wants to be shown the money, as in Show Me The Money!

There is a notable mention to one of the extras who played a Pembroke Pines police officer being turned away "at the border."  Unfortunately, foiled again.

Many of the other characters have gone on to bigger and better gigs such as busting rocks at federal pennitentiarys or setting up the same resident fleecing scheme in other south Florida municipalities.

There's late breaking news. We understand that the entire cast along with some new members are being reunited for a special episode where they all spin themselves in circles trying to convince themselves that a high tech immigration prison is consistent with their vision of a rural lifestyle.  Road closures are back again! And this time, the prison is going up in a non contiguous piece of land surrounded, in part, by Pembroke Pines.

Otis the Drunk was heard saying, "You want to use our roads to go to church? Paybacks are hell.  We'll show you.  Here, have a prison.  Would you pass the bottle, please?"